iPhone: The Pretentious Flick
Tuesday, December 11th, 2007iPhones. I hate iPhones. I hate typing the word, hearing it spoke and seeing it in headlines.
But I live in San Francisco, and hating iPhones in San Francisco is like hating faux-fur-bootie wearing hussies: they’re everywhere. The city is swamped in flick-happy pretentious fucks, and their faux-fur-bootie-wearing hussie girlfriends, who also have iPhones. So I generally keep to myself on the issue, but I have a blog now!
The problem with iPhones is this: They inspire this giddy sense of entitlement. The very fact that people are carrying around a $600 phone allows someone to believe they can pick it up and happily “flick” the interface with a bright outwards inclination. All that is required to operate the interface is a mere swipe, a motion of your finger and nothing else, like someone may do with a similarly-equipped, but not-as-expensive and not-made-by-Apple device. However, you don’t operate iPhones by “moving your finger” you have to tap and flick through.
Your finger, simply by using an iPhone, gains one half inch of lift toward the end of your swipe, or movement, and secures your ass in iPhone ownership. The finger continues beyond the border of the device approximately an inch and your flick is complete. Now, because you have no album covers, yet you insist on browsing your library of music that way, another 10-20 flicks in various directions is required before you can put your phone back in your messenger bag…
Hop off the bus…
And put on that prestigious Starbucks apron.